Archive for July, 2008

I r serious post

I’ve been having these crippling migraines for about six weeks now. Along with the pain is visual disturbance and referred pain in my leg hip and leg. I am in pain every single day. I’ve tried every natural remedy that I am comfortable with using, namely salt (I use a Neti pot), water, and mega-doses of potassium and vit. C. I go outside for 15-30 minutes daily to get my vit. D. I use aspirin for it’s anti-inflammatory and blood-thinning properties. And yet here I am, still in pain.

This has been happening to me since I was a child (aged 8), I go through “cycles” where I am in a lot of pain and cycles of relatively no pain. Along with the headaches I experience insomnia, depression and a burst of creativity. Is this the artist in me, who can only work when I’m absolutely miserable? I haven’t made art in two years, which is the last time I had several months of migraines. I’d find that more interesting if I wasn’t so gutted. Has this happened to anyone else?? I’ll post some pics of the watercolors and drawings I’ve been making.


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It’s that time of year again when all the little kiddies start thinking about back-to-school. Even though I am nearly an old fart(tm), I’m one of those little kiddies. This time of year sucks balls, because this is when you have to wade through all the financial aide bullshit and get your grants and loans lined up in a row and then shoot them, one by one, until your school has sucked you dry. I*** has been the most inconvenient school to attend, really. They are so confusing, backpedaling between answers depending on which rep you get on the phone. It gets so frustrating to talk to the fin. aid reps that I just want to shake them upside down until the right answer falls out of their pocket and skitters across the floor.

So I need to wade through all that bullshit, plus figure out a way to get my CPR certification by 15 August AND get it for free. As a hospital employee, I have access to classes like CPR cert., Spanish, etc. as a benefit. But, I don’t start until 4 August. I’m not sure if I can swing it. I really, really don’t want to pay $55 for something I could get for free. There is also this huge fucking list of shit I have to do before 15 August for my clinicals (like obtain and pay for a complete criminal history check), and if I don’t get them completed, I’m out of the program. Fuuuuuuuuck. I’m not made of money, you bastards!

Finally, there is a bunch of shit I need to do around the house. The whole upstairs is a disaster area. I need to sort through all the crap into boxes for sale and to keep for when I move out. I’ve been slowly buying sundry items for the Move, and it’s all just sitting around. I also desperately need to weed the garden. It’s looking, erm, bushy out there. I’ll take pics of before and after. When you see it, you’ll shit brix.

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Comme Ci Comme Ça

A few new things have popped up lately. Last week I went into a peer interview at the hospital I wanted to work at. It went great; I was interviewed by two nurses who I immediately hit it off with. The next morning my recruiter called me and offered me the job. THANK YOU, LORD. Not only does that mean I can leave the hell hole that is K****, but I will be doing something of value. My new position is Nursing Assistant and I start August 4th. I hate to sound hokey, but I really feel like God listened to my prayers. It’s so crazy that this is finally happening. I applied for this position TWO MONTHS AGO. I thought I would have the summer to work, but I’ll just have two or three weeks until I return to school, so basically my training will be done and I’ll have to change my schedule.

My weight loss is going pretty good. I had a bit of a stall last week, but I can see my body changing. I’m starting to wear some of the clothes I haven’t fit into since 2004. I’m wearing a 22 now. At my largest I was a 28. Would you like a picture?


Please, don’t be too jealous. You want another one? Oh, okay…


I would love to lose 20 lbs. before I return to school. I have five weeks. Today I started back on Slim-Fast, which is how I lost the 20 lbs. for New Orleans. It’s simple, and with the addition of vegetable juice and fruit, it has all the nutrition I need. Wish me luck.

Finally, after several months of trying to get a date online, I think I am calling it quits for now. I went out on a couple dates which were fun, but didn’t lead me anywhere serious. There are a couple of guys long-distance I was/am talking to, but without a serious leap of faith, those avenues are futile. Talking to men online has both boosted my self-esteem and butchered it. I think I know who I am as a woman more than I did six months ago, and I have a better idea of what I want in a prospective mate. But on the flip side, realizing my faults and weaknesses as a person has been brutal. I have a lot of growing to do still before I am the best possible woman I can be for a man. And I say that because where I am right now isn’t good enough for the man I want. I want a certain kind of man- deliriously intelligent, wickedly funny, eccentric, kind, and sexy as hell- and I assume that man would have discerning tastes, too.

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Lazy Sunday

It’s about 90* F right now. I’m barely dressed in a camisole and cotton skirt. Perfect time for paperback books in the central air conditioning.

What I had for lunch today:

Sunday Lunch

Red Sails lettuce, baby carrots, celery from my local Amish farmer’s market, Persian (hothouse) cucumber, cheddar, granny smith apple, dried cranberries, pecans, all in a lemon-dill vinagriette. Would you like the receipt?

Basic vinagriette

1 tsp. dijon mustard or spicy mustard (I like Grey Poupon or Gulden’s)

Juice of one lemon, no pips, please, but the pulp is tasty; about 2-3 TBSP.

Depending on how sour you like your dressing, vinegar to taste (I use citrus champagne or Spanish sherry)

Salt and pepper

(optional) Herbs of your choice

Lovely olive oil,  about 3-4 TBSP. This is to your taste; I prefer a lean vinagriette.

In your salad bowl, place your mustard and acid(s), whisk to combine. Add your S&P and herbs. Slowly introduce the olive oil to get a solid emulsion. Taste for seasoning. Add your greens and toss gently. I do this by hand because it doesn’t bruise the lettuces.

Lunch closeup

And of course, I had a little friend to help me eat it all:

A lunch companion

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Bitches, I am down to 281 lbs. That’s right: I’ve lost 24 lbs. since May. FUCK ME, I AM AWESOME.

Last night I went shopping with my girlfriend, E.  I was able to slip into a pair of trousers two sizes smaller than what I was wearing. I looked at my ass in the mirror, and I promise you I got wet. If I were some ghetto tranny, I’d say THAT AZZ WUZ BANGIN, SON. But since I’m not that ghetto, I’ll just say that my ass looked incredible. The best part of being fat is T’n’A. Speaking of tits, I got a push up bra that takes my cleavage to new dimensions. They look so big and juicy they look fake. I turned myself on, and I ran into a wall looking down at them. I’m pathetic, I know. I have a wedding to go to tomorrow evening, and I’ll have to have E. take some pictures of me in my new ensemble. Maybe I’ll have her take pictures of my tits, too. One never knows. I do get handsy after a few gimlets.

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How my garden grows

I’m trying to grow some vegetables this year. I’ve never seriously tried to grow anything, and boy howdy, is there a steep learning curve. The first hurdle was my native soil: wet, heavy, where’s-my-ceramics-wheel? clay. Yes, clay soil is nutrient-rich. But it also traps moisture against roots, causing rot. It also discourages worms. So my first task was to amend the soil with lawn clippings, hummus, potting soil and compost to break up the clay and make it friable enough for good air circulation around the roots and for easy planting. This took over a week of hard labour 1-4 hours a day and about $60 of supplies. Gardening is not a cheap way of obtaining produce, at least not at first.

The next step was buying plants. I wanted to start from seed, but midterms prevented me from starting them at the proper time- around St. Patrick’s day in my zone (Zone 5). I also was too late to buy specific hybrids from Cook’s Garden or Burpee’s, so I turned to a local plant purveyor in my old neighborhood and he fortunately had several varieties I wanted; like Thai chiles, Early Girl tomatoes, and pickling cucumbers. Here’s what I ended up planting:

  • 2 Beefsteak tomatoes
  • 2 Early Girl tomatoes
  • 2 SuperSweets cherry tomatoes
  • 1 Sugar Snap peas (nearly dead now)
  • 2 Pickling cukes
  • 2 “Burpless” traditional-size cukes
  • 1 Dinosaur Kale (now eaten by a fucking rabbit, the bastard)
  • 1 Dill
  • 2 Flat-leaf parsley
  • 1 Cilantro
  • 1 Thyme
  • 1 Rosemary
  • 1 Oregano
  • 1 Marjoram
  • 9 (!) Basil (1 is effing huge in a planter on the patio)
  • 2 Thai chili
  • 2 Poblano
  • 2 Jalapeño
  • 2 Cayenne
  • 1 Red Sails lettuce (almost ready to eat)

What I already had:

  • Tarragon
  • Sage
  • Lavender
  • Catmint

What I direct-sowed:

  • Black-Seeded Simpson lettuce
  • Red Sails lettuce
  • Buttercrunch lettuce
  • Some other kind of lettuce (variety escapes me)

Because of all the rain, my plants are really little still. I planted them the last week of May. I direct-sowed the lettuce about 8 days ago, and I have little tiny seedlings (squee!!) already. I was worried the rain was going to prevent a lot of blooms from forming on my plants, so I broke down and Miracle-Gro-ed everything last Sunday. I can’t say I’ve noticed a difference in anything but the cukes, which are doing really well. I LOVE gardening. I didn’t know that about myself. The only thing I don’t like is the expensive (we have spent so much on soil, mulch and plants it’s unreal) and the fucking rabbits. I laid down bloodmeal to keep them away from my baby lettuces and it smells so badly of mothballs I want to hurl. I won’t do that again. I’m looking forward, for once, for the hot, dry days of July and August so my plants can really grow!!

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